High Anxiety

In 1977, Mel Brooks produced, directed, wrote, and starred in a film spoof of Alfred Hitchcock movies. George and I have always been Hitchcock fans, and also fans of Brooks’ somewhat warped sense of humor. It was a funny film, full of laughs, giggles and silliness as only Mel Brooks can create. At one time, we had watched all the Hitchcock films that Brooks parodied (Vertigo, North by Northwest, Psycho, and The Birds), so it was especially clever.

In 1977, attitudes toward mental illness were quite different from what they are today. And, it seems that what people fear or do not understand is often avoided or ridiculed. So we laughed. Today, I would watch this film with new eyes: eyes that have been opened to the fragility of humanity and the fact that depression and anxiety are very real. Mental illnesses must be treated with the right kind of diet, exercise, and medication just like diabetes.

The other night, George and I shared a biblical devotional. This is a practice we started at the beginning of Advent, and when the materials I had came to an end with Christmas Day, George asked that we continue. It was Sunday evening, and I was tired, but I grabbed the closest thing at hand which was that morning’s service leaflet from church. The Gospel was John 1:1-18 which begins “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God…” I read it to him and told him what I could remember from Father Christopher’s homily. In it, he described a visit to the Lost Sea where they placed the cavern in total darkness. One individual (a large “Harley Davidson” biker type) yelled he couldn’t stand the dark any longer, so he lit a match. Father Christopher went on to say that it was striking that a single match could illuminate the entire cavern. Of course, the story was a perfect illustration for Jesus, the Light of the World. Most of us Christians may forget that we have to strike the match to bring light to the world.

As we were winding down and getting ready for sleep, I told him Christopher’s belief that all suffering is caused by anger, fear, or disappointment over unmet desires. And, what is anxiety but fear? It may be “irrational” fear, but it is indeed real to the person who experiences it. To discuss this idea, I asked George: “What are you afraid of?” I wasn’t surprised when he said “I’m afraid when I go to sleep I won’t wake up.” I reminded him of what his neurologist has told us: people die “with Parkinson’s” not “from Parkinson’s.” Then he startled me by saying he was afraid that I wouldn’t wake up. I was actually speechless at that, but tried to comfort him by saying I was in good shape with a strong heart, etc., and I come from a family of long-lived ancestors, so he shouldn’t worry. Nevertheless, I know he does worry, and it is difficult to not fear.

People with Parkinson’s, as well as their caregivers all suffer due to anger, fear, and disappointment over unmet desires. We are mad as hell over having to deal with the illness, we are afraid of the unknown, and our desires for a “normal” life free from illness have been unmet.

I don’t know if Mel Brooks suffers from anxiety in real life, but it seems to me that perhaps he does. If so, I think he used humor to express and overcome a condition that can be debilitating.

It is my hope that all People with Parkinson’s and their caregivers can use whatever works to overcome the debilitating physical, mental, and emotional challenges that they face on a daily basis. A spoonful of humor can’t hurt.