Control

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about the issue of “control.”  What does it mean to be “in control,” and what does it mean to be “out of control?”  Is control desirable?  Do caregivers have control?  Frankly, no one can control any other person, nor the progression of any disease.  Neither the person with the disease, nor the caregivers, nor physicians and therapists, can control the outcome.

Do medications control anything?  The answer to that is “yes,” to a degree.  In our experience with Parkinson’s, only the symptoms are “controlled.”  The root cause of the illness is not yet clearly understood, and there is no known cure.  This is a frustrating thing, as our society has come to expect physicians to be “miracle workers” who can take care of any malady.  It ain’t so!

Likewise, while our Creator may have numbered our days and counted each of the hairs on our heads, we are not able to control our longevity.  Oh sure, we can exercise, eat properly, and watch all the chemicals we ingest into our bodies, but then we could be hit by a truck on the Interstate.

Lack of control in one area sometimes causes us to desire more control in another.  If I cannot control the progression of George’s illness, then at least I can wash the dishes, clean house, keep the bills paid, and think about others’ needs.  Those are all welcome distractions, actually.  But, the desire for control can create problems with other relationships.

I think this was underscored to me the other night when our condo association met to discuss some important proposed community improvements.  It was clear that everyone in the meeting had their own ideas about how to proceed with the project.  No one person could (or should) control the outcome; rather, collaboration, negotiation, and compromise will ensure the best solution.

Joy and contentment are achieved by living in the moment, and not trying to control the behavior or thoughts of others.  The words of The Serenity Prayer summarize this idea beautifully:

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Sounds simple, right?  Certainly not!  It is a constant effort to discern those things we can change and those things we cannot.  For Parkinson’s Caregivers, The Serenity Prayer can help us find joy and contentment in the midst of day-to-day challenges.